Paris

Arriving in Paris, I decided I was going to make my way to my hotel as soon as I got off the train. I figured that even though I was a few hours early for check-in, I was so close to the Arc de Triomphe that I could see that and familiarize myself with the area before hand. As it turned out, I had picked quite a good area to stay. The station was right next to the Arc de Triomphe and was a major hub, with trains leading to all the sights I wanted to see on direct lines. Adding bonus to this finding was seeing just how close my hotel was to here... Only 200m away. Called the Arc de Triomphe Etoile, the hotel was clean, quaint and nestled in a small cobbled lane, right in the heart of a very expensive area. I did pay through the nose compared to my previous lodgings but it was comparable to the rates at the Hotel Chelsea in New York... OK, a little more than that but fucking god damn it! I have been sleeping in hostels, cars and concrete fucking floors! This was Jim's time! Alone, in Paris and Ell Eye Vee Eye Enn!



Feet up in my French Doors at the Arc de Triomphe Etoile.



The next morning, after a well deserved sleep in a real bed, I decided I would walk down the Champs Elise to the Louvre. This looks easy on the map but as I found out, it's fucking 3.5kms! Now Paris is hot right now and I hadn't packed shorts or anything, so I was feeling it when I got there. Some douche "artist" wank tried to hassle me and have me pay for him to draw a portrait of me... I declined and as I walked off he yelled "aww c'mon, I know you are American!". To this, I turned, stormed back up to him all up in his his grill and proclaimed "your first mistake is calling me American, mate! I'm Australian!". I wanted to show him my Aussie right hook (but remember the thieves at the airport? Yeah, I don't have any good fighting skills) but instead I chose to walk off, cause I knew I was pissed off from having just walked 3.5kms in the scalding heat. As I left, the fucking wanker was still screaming out that I must be English. Dickhead!



Anyways, I enjoyed the Louvre very much. I saw the Mona Lisa.



The Winged Victory of Samothrace. Nike. Awesome!



Me and Aphrodite... Schwing! (Venus de Milo)



Psyche Revived by Cupid's Kiss.



The Wedding Feast at Cana.



Grand Sphinx.



I then headed to the Notre Dame.



The inside is freaking amazing!



The following day, I headed out to the Catacombs. This place was so creepy. It was cool.



So many stacked bones.



Harry Potter?



Afterwards, I had one of the best meals I had in France. A set menu at a small cafe by the Catacombs.



From the Eiffel Tower, you can see a good view of the Arc de Triomphe... Near my hotel of course.



Ah, the Eiffel Tower.



The Arc de Triomphe at night. See the Eiffel tower in the background?



My hotel street. Win!
I had a great time. I was going to go to Rome from France but things got way too expensive at the last minute and everything kept falling through, so I read the signs and made the trip back to the comfort of the UK and planned to hit the road again with Jon and then to head up to Scotland too visit Reesy.

Location:The Sands,Haddington,United Kingdom

London

Arriving in London after the great road trip of the south, I was happy to settle at a base for the time being and of course, keen to catch up with Jon, whom I hadn't seen since his departure here a year ago. As it would turn out, Andrew (Jon's brother) would be in town from Berlin at the same time, whom I also hadn't seen since his departure, so I was happy to have picked this time to visit. When I got to London I had to find my way to Jon's on my own. He had originally planned to. Meet me at Victoria station but he was called into work at the last minute. I tackled the tube no worries but when I got to Jon's, Andrew wasn't there so i found myself sitting in the stairwell waiting. Luckily he turned up shortly after I got there but he had to leave to meet some peeps, leaving me alone at Jon's. Soon after, the room mate Jon is having battles with turned up. He's a South Australian runaway, judgmental, coattail gripping, self absorbed queer with a really bad attitude. He ignored me rudely and locked himself in his room whilst playing Neil Young records at maximum volume... just to drown out the thought of me sitting quietly in the living space, I presume. Awkwardly, I began to drink sherry and write my previous entry, alone and in await of some friendlier company. Soon, a guy by the name of Tobias turned up to drink beer with "Jason" the fuck face. He was a lot friendlier, coming over and talking to me periodically and finally, insisting that I come into Jason's room and hang out with them, seeing as Jon was nowhere to be seen. I reluctantly agreed and soon found that even though Jason was still ignoring me, Tobias and I got on really well. A fellow fan of NFL, we talked for ages on the subject, even going through YouTube videos of great plays, much to penis breath's disgust.



I grew impatient with the night and reluctantly used my phone to call Jon to see where he was, as it was now 2 hours after he was supposed to have finished work and he was still not home. Turns out, a lack of communication led him to believe I was with Andrew and we were meeting him in town. So I quickly threw on a jacket and made for the tube to meet him. The first thing I noticed was the final station on the line I was on was called "Cockfosters" and I giggled. Apparently all Australians new to London find this particularly funny, hence the photo of Andrew and Jon with a can of Fosters in the cock position. Anyhow, I met Jon and we headed into town to see Unkle play at the Brixton Academy. Turns out that they are pretty fucking awesome live and I had an awesome night with Jon, Andrew and Marty (Jon's drummer). We went to some weird bars, one called the spread eagle, where the urinals are giant sets of lips that you piss into.

To be honest, my whole time in London is a bit of a blur for me now, so I'll just post some photos highlighting my time there.



I saw SoHo.



And old school cabs and red double decker buses.



I slept in Jon's bed, making him sleep on the floor, with his shoes on, under a moo cow.



I saw some rad buildings.



And a Tellytubby on the tube.



Saw Arsenal's home ground.



Helped a girl who'd been spiked by date rape drugs.



Had a staring competition with the Queen's guard.



Wandered down unknown streets.



Met some cool peeps.



Got wankered drunk and lay in flower beds.



Chilled on balconies.



Watched the sun set behind Buckingham Palace.



Sat in the park.



Saw strange things in the park.



Became the squirrel guy in the park.



But why wouldn't you?



Explored Churchill's war rooms.



Which was awesome!



Saw Big Ben.



And Tower Bridge.



Conquered strange pubs.



Did the tourist thing.



But I also attended a Sunday service at Westminster Abbey... It was epic!



Oh yeah, went to Buckingham Palace.



Ate some sweet Vietnamese food. Like, better than Kim Khan... I shit you not!



Had a drink in one of the bars that Jack the Ripper hunted prey.



And walked the alleys where he slaughtered.



Took random photos.



Then jumped on a train to Paris.

Had a great time too!

Location:London, United Kingdom